Newsletters for Mental Health
Elizabeth Para, Intern Counselor, MSOE Counseling
Services
November 2008
We all need
people to whom we can relate. Our friends are the people who are there for us
when we need them. They stand by you through thick and thin, the good times and
the bad. Without friends, we may feel isolated and alone. Friendship is an
important aspect of our lives, so this month's newsletter is focused on
building friendships.
What makes a good friend?
Some common qualities typically considered important for friendships include:
- Honesty
- Loyalty
- Openness and willingness to share
- Patience
- Respect
- Give-and-take
- Thoughtfulness
- Mutual understanding
Where can I meet friends?
It can be a daunting task to meet new people. A good place to start is to have the important people in your life introduce you to new people. For example, ask your family, colleagues, significant others, peers, or roommates if you can spend time with them and their friends.
In addition, you can try introducing yourself to people at class, work, dorms and apartments. You can become involved in new campus organizations, clubs, parties, sports, cultural events, study groups, and/or religious events. And don't forget the increasingly popular cyber-networking sites, such as MySpace and Facebook. You can use these tools as a way to look for people with interests similar to you and then meet to get to know one another.
Friendships don't just happen.
It takes work to build a friendship. One person may initiate a relationship, but both people need to contribute to the building process. A good way to begin the process is to approach a new person and start a conversation with them. If you always wait for people to approach you, you probably won't have a lot of friends.
It can be awkward to start a conversation with new people, but if you prepare yourself in advance the process will be much smoother. Here are some tips communicating with others:
- Talk about easy topics. Stay away from controversial topics (like politics and religion) right away. Some good initial topics include books, movies, music, video games extracurricular activities, and majors. Keep up on major world events so you always have something to discuss.
- Find a common activity to work on together. Participating in an activity (like working on a car, baking, volunteering, studying, etc.) together can help keep the conversation going. New topics will arise as you progress, which will help you to engage and build the friendship.
- Make good eye contact. Looking people in the eye when you speak to them lets them know you are interested in what they are saying.
- Be polite. Turn off your cell phone, pay attention, and don't engage in other activities while talking with other people.
- Be considerate when talking. Speak clearly and monitor your pace and volume. Don't dominate the entire conversation. Remember, good conversation involves talking and listening!
- Use reflective listening. When listening to the speaker, pay attention. Use head nods and repeat what was said to convey that you were listening.
- Pay attention to your body language. Crossed arms, a stern tone, and a poor posture can send the wrong message. Maintain an open stance, make good eye contact, and monitor your tone.
Remember, it is up to you to stay connected with people. Put yourself out there, call people, and send emails and cards to let them know you are interested in building a friendship.
Additional Resources
For more information on the topic of friendship, check out the Counseling Services web page.
- Click on The University of Chicago's Virtual Pamphlets for access to additional brochures regarding friendships and other great topics.