Christine Dietz, Counseling Intern MSOE Counseling Services
February 2008
In the United States just as soon as the Christmasadvertising machine winds to a halt, another holiday takes over: Valentine'sDay. Within a week of New Year's there are suddenly pink and red hearts withlacey borders, fine chocolates, and jewelry advertisements everywhere you look.Given that one of the major developmental tasks of the college years isdeveloping relationships with family, friends, and romantic partners, it's nowonder that students often find themselves wondering about romantic relationshipsat this time of year. Here's some advice for navigating the complex world ofromantic relationships during the college years:
Being the best you you can be:
The first step to being successful in a romanticrelationship is to take care of and nurture yourself. Students have countlessresponsibilities to manage and relationships require work. Discover yourpriorities and make sure that you're sticking to them. If you are sacrificingyour schoolwork, sleep, health, or other relationships in pursuit of romance,ask yourself if your life is getting out of balance. When we present our bestselves in relationships we are able to do so with confidence and ourrelationships are likely to be more successful.
Tips for Dating in College
- Having a mature attitude about dating and sex will lead to more meaningful relationships, more stability, and often less pain than wild, reckless relationships.
- Remember that on a small campus word travels fast: treat your dates with respect or all the "other fish in the sea" will likely hear about it.
- Be careful about alcohol and drug use when dating as lower inhibitions can lead to behaviors you may regret later (think saying "I love you" on a first date, unplanned sexual activity, or simply the embarrassment of vomiting on your date's shoes).
Tips for healthy relationships:
- Be accepting of the other person. Don't try to change your partner, but understand that change and growth are natural.
- Good communication is essential. Make sure that when you have a disagreement you fight fairly-no name calling, no manipulation, no hidden agendas, and no bringing up the past.
- Be reliable and dependable. The first step to being a good partner is being a good friend!
- Make sure you have realistic expectations about what your relationship should be like. You have a right to have your needs met in a relationship, and so does your partner, but make sure you are reasonable about what you expect of him or her. Nobody is perfect
- Share mutual goals and work toward them together. Having a common purpose and seeking support for your ambitions will build a stronger bond between you and your partner.
- Promote emotional intimacy. Use your communication skills to build trust so that you are able to share your deepest selves with one another.
Tips for First Dates:
- Be thoughtful when planning the date: leaving too much to chance or being unprepared can cause tension or confusion for you and your date. You don't have to know what you're ordering for dinner in advance, just where you're eating and how to get there should be enough. Remember to be flexible though and have a backup just in case things don't go according to your plans!
- Be tidy, polite, and courteous.
- Be relaxed and honest. You never know if a date will lead to a relationship and you don't want to build a relationship on a dishonest foundation.
- Commit to having a good time: go into it with the mindset that you'll have fun no matter what and you're much more likely to enjoy yourself.
- Be yourself and be open with your date about who you are. If your date doesn't get a chance to know you, it's hard for him or her to be interested in getting to know you better! Be sure not to talk about yourself too much though-- make sure you ask questions and listen to what your date has to say too!
For More Information:
http://www.utexas.edu/student/cmhc/booklets/romrelations/romrelations.html
http://www.dr-bob.org/vpc/virtulets.html#Relationships
Stop by Counseling Services to borrow a copy of one of ournew dating advice books, Dating for Dummies, or The Complete Idiot'sGuide to Dating.
MSOE Counseling Services creates monthly newsletters on mental health concerns and psychological issues. You can view the complete list of downloadable Counseling Services Newsletters.
MSOE Counseling Services is located on the second floor of the Kern Center (K-230). To schedule an appointment with a counselor, call (414) 277-7590 or visit the Counseling Services homepage.