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Grief: Working Through It

Newsletters for Mental Health
Laura M. Hartmann, Intern Counselor, MSOE Counseling Services
November 2007

Experiencing the passing of a friend, loved one, or significant other, and even watching someone you are close to grieve through hard times in their life, can be a very difficult process. Experiencing any type of loss in your life can cause feelings of sadness, depression, hopelessness, anger, and a variety of other emotions. Each individual grieves differently, but it is important to remember that grief is a natural and normal reaction to loss that individual’s need to experience in order to heal. The topics in this newsletter will be related to grief and will include:

 

1. Common reactions to loss

2. Myths and facts about grief

3. Finding ways to deal with grief and pain

1. Common Reactions to Loss

Grief can bring up a wide range of emotions from deep sadness to anger. Some of these feelings might be new or frightening to you, and you might not know how to cope. Below are listed some common feelings and responses that experiencing a loss can bring up. Not everyone dealing with a loss will experience all of these, and some people will have reactions not listed here. However, it is important to be aware of your feelings. Common reactions to loss can include:

  • Shock and Disbelief- This is a very typical first reaction after learning of a loss. You might have trouble believing that your loved one is gone, you might feel numb, or not be able to react at all. It is also common to have feelings that this isn’t really happening, or you might even deny it.
  • Anger and resentment-These feelings are also very common, even if there is no one to blame for the loss, you might feel hurt, sad, become angry at the loved one you lost, God, your family, or even feel abandoned and alone.
  • Guilt-Many people suffering from a loss experience guilt or regret. You might feel bad about having an argument earlier with the loved on that passed away, feel guilt about not being there to say goodbye, or might feel like you wish you could have done something more to prevent the death.
  • Fear-The loss of a loved one can also make you feel worried, panicked, or helpless. You might feel like you don’t have the energy to complete simple tasks, have fears and wonder about your own death, or worry about the safety of other people close to you.
  • Deep sadness-Sadness might be a constant presence or hit you all of the sudden. It is common to feel lonely, wish that the person you lost was still here, or feel like you just can’t go on another day without that person.

It is important to keep in mind that there is no right way to grieve, but there are things that you can do that can help the process become easier, and move you forward on the road to healing in a healthy way. Becoming aware of your feelings is the first step to recovery. There are many healthy ways to cope with grief, and there are plenty of places to get help, remember that you do not have to go through grief on your own.

 

2. Myths and facts about grief

Myth: The pain of loss will go away faster if you ignore it.

Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from coming up will only make it worse in the long run. Facing your grief and dealing with it will lead you to true healing.

 

Myth: It is important to be strong in the face of loss.

Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying or breaking down doesn’t mean you are weak. You do not need to protect others or yourself by putting on a strong front. Showing your true feelings will help yourself feel better and it important for you to find an outlet to release your emotions.

 

Myth: Moving on with your life or getting help means you’re forgetting the one you lost.

Fact: Moving on means you have accepted the loss. This is not the same as forgetting. You can adjust to a new life while always keeping your loved one’s memory a part of you.

 

3. Finding ways to deal with grief and pain.

As mentioned previously everyone is affected differently by grief, and thus everyone will have different ways of coping. It is important to find things that work for you. Some suggestions for coping with grief include:

  • Seek out professional help.
  • Reach out to people you trust, and make an effort to communicate with people that will support you.
  • Allow yourself to grieve.
  • Try keeping a journal of everything you are experiencing.
  • Take care of your health by eating right, exercising, and trying to maintain a normal schedule.
  • Write a poem about your loved one.
  • If you are spiritual, rely on your faith to provide you with strength.
  • Consider joining a support group if you are ready.

You might try some of these things and find them helpful; however for some individuals the pain might be very hard to overcome alone. If you feel like you might need help overcoming or processing your grief, please make an appointment at counseling services (414) 277-7590. All services are confidential and free for students. You do not need to overcome grief alone, and a professional counselor can provide you with a place just for you to grieve, talk about what you are experiencing, and help you work through your feelings to heal in a positive way.

 

Links for more information:



MSOE Counseling Services creates monthly newsletters on mental health concerns and psychological issues. You can view the complete list of downloadable Counseling Services Newsletters.

MSOE Counseling Services is located on the second floor of the Kern Center (K-230). To schedule an appointment with a counselor, call (414) 277-7590 or visit the Counseling Services homepage.