Will Horn, Intern Counselor, MSOE Counseling Services
April 2009
College often marks a time when individuals leave their families to begin their own life. This time is marked with new experiences and relationships. While college often serves as a means to make new friends it can also serve as a means of meeting one's girl or boyfriend. However, many if not all relationships are not always without their difficulties. This newsletter, based off a recent article in the April edition of Psychology Today, is devoted towards exploring some of the seemingly small irritants in relationships that often actually become big issues. This article will focus on illustrating the first five of ten common irritations in relationships.
Relationships are a two-way Street
Many times it is the little things that drive couples nuts. Harmless in themselves, acts such as talking with one's mouth full can slowly drive a partner crazy! As these annoyances accumulate, before one knows it that seemingly perfect girlfriend or boyfriend suddenly becomes a little less perfect. However, if one wants to maintain a relationship something often needs to change, and that change starts with them. Most partners focus on what they are getting out of a relationship instead of what they are giving. Sometimes it is important to dwell less on the actual problem at hand and more at one's own interpretation of the problem.
Five Areas of Irritation in Relationships
"It's Deliberate"
- We tend to view every action, deliberate or not, as a personal slight.
- Instead of focusing on a partner's many habits or annoyances such as keeping a messy dorm room or never being punctual, one should pay attention to the meaning they are giving them.
- Do not allow these habits to fester inside, bring them up in a loving way.
Messiness
- In just about every relationship, one partner is always messier than the other.
- If a partner does not change their messy habit, try reframing the issue in your own mind.
- Instead of focusing on how much a partner's messiness annoys you, try reminding yourself just how much you appreciate what they do contribute to the relationship.
Feeling Unloved
- Each individual has a different way of resolving conflict. Our methods of conflict resolution often mimic those practiced in our family while growing up.
- It is important to understand how one's partner reacts to conflict, and then to react and show support in a way in which they can understand.
Feeling Unappreciated
- Oftentimes an individual's acts of goodwill will go unnoticed by their partner.
- Couples must communicate what makes each of them feel appreciated instead of assuming their partner knows what to do.
Feeling Controlled
- Many times individuals view requests or favors from partners as an attempt to control them. However, many times this is a misconception.
- Instead of falling for this false belief, try attempting to attribute good intentions to your partner.
Additional Resources
- Read the article regarding relationships in the April 2009 edition ofPsychology Today.
- For 101 relationship tips, check out the affirmations for success website.
- If you have questions or would like to talk more about relationships, you can make an appointment to see a counselor or health services. Call Counseling Services at (414) 277-7590, Health Services at (414) 277-7590, or stop by our office located on the 2nd floor of the Kern Center
MSOE Counseling Services creates monthly newsletters on mental health concerns and psychological issues. You can view the complete list of Counseling Services Newsletters.
MSOE Counseling Services is located on the second floor of the Kern Center (K-230). To schedule an appointment with a counselor, call (414) 277-7590 or visit the Counseling Services homepage.