Newsletters for Mental Health
Cheryl Crawford, Intern Counselor, MSOE Counseling Services
February 2010
Whether you are having a problem with your roommate, questioning a charge on your student account, or concerned over a score on your final exam, being assertive can help effectively resolve these situations.
What Is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is a way of thinking and behaving that allows a person to stand up for his or her rights while respecting the rights of others. When you use direct, open, and honest communication to meet your personal needs, you feel more confident, gain respect from others and live a happier life.
The assertive person:
- Is not afraid to say no
- Takes responsibility for getting his or her needs met
- Does not take responsibility for others’ behavior
- Does not allow status to intimidate him or her
- Does not let a situation build to a point of crisis
- Is able to ask for help
- Has a strong sense of self-worth and self-respect
Body language that signals assertive behavior:
- Direct eye contact that appears interested but not angry
- A factual voice that sounds convicted but not overbearing
- Straight posture, not slouched, or standing with arms crossed
- Relaxed and conversational gestures
Roadblocks to Assertiveness:
Believing that other people’s needs, opinions and judgments are more important than your own may prevent you from acting assertive. Moreover, the idea that assertiveness hurts others can keep you from attending to your own needs. If you struggle with being assertive, you may have mislabeled assertive behavior as aggressive. Aggressive individuals insist that their feelings and needs take precedence and they tend to blame others for problems instead of offering solutions.
Tips for Success:
- Use “I statements.” For example, “I want,” or “I would prefer,” or “I do not like”
- Try not to minimize your needs by asking for approval, for example, “I would like for you to turn down the volume on the television—is that okay with you?”
- Practicing assertiveness skills helps you confront old ways of thinking and boost your self-esteem
Being assertive is not easy for everyone. Sometimes past experiences prevent us from standing up for our rights. If you would like to be more assertive but have trouble implementing any of the strategies listed above, consider talking with a counselor about ways that you can adopt a more assertive lifestyle and get all that you really want.
MSOE Counseling Services creates monthly newsletters on mental health concerns and psychological issues. You can view the complete list of downloadable Counseling Services Newsletters.
MSOE Counseling Services is located on the second floor of the Kern Center (K-230). To schedule an appointment with a counselor, call (414) 277-7590 or visit the Counseling Services homepage.